Freethinker Thinking Hard

a⋅the⋅ist
   /ˈeɪθiɪst/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ey-thee-ist] Show IPA
–noun
a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.


free⋅think⋅er
   /ˈfriˈθɪŋkər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [free-thing-ker] Show IPA
–noun
a person who forms opinions on the basis of reason, independent of authority or tradition, esp. a person whose religious opinions differ from established belief.


Very often when people ask me what's my religion, I feel like playing Alanis Morrisette's What is God was One of Us.

The very first line that goes:

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?

Long ago I have decided that religions doesn't really matter. What matters is the faith, spirituality and morality. God is there, God protects me, God listens. God is God and doesn't need to bear a name.

Let's do some equations here:

God = Jesus
God = Buddha
God = Allah

So,
God = Jesus = Buddha = Allah??

Obviously, NOT! Because each name carries with itself a set of cultures, practices and beliefs and MORE. It's funny how even within each religion there are different sects. Differences exist because people interpret their holy scriptures differently. While differences should be celebrated instead it leads to warfare and bloodshed.

Reading a bit of Tolle's A New Earth, he describes how our attachment to the ego creates the dysfunction that leads to anger, jealousy, and unhappiness, and he shows readers how to follow the path to a truly fulfilling existence.

To tie up the loose issues together, religions-beliefs-ego-warfare-dysfunction-unhappiness.. I suppose we've seen, read and watched enough on newspapers and tv's on War on Terror. We've got more than enough living and dead examples every day.

If only one can let go or be conscious of their ego...

Jack Johnson...

I wonder... I'm suddenly missing Jack Johnson's songs...

I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one NO not no one
Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie to you.

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all the money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move
Even after all the silly things you do
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

nice happy tunes.. *brimming in happiness* yeah, i know the song's lyrics is not particularly happy ending.. the music's just soothing..

Fallen

Had no idea why I was so tired last night. I fell asleep on my aunt's bed on the floor. The air-cond was cooling me, the tv was blasting, a novel beside me to make me sleep. Before I knew it, I had dozed off.

Surprisingly, no one woke me up or shooed me back to my own bed. I was sleeping happily and suddenly a giant King sized mattress about 15cm thick toppled and landed right on top of me.

I woke up immediately and you know what?

It wasn't a dream.

I was like a squashed meat patty underneath a slice of bread. I squeaked, help, help.. but my two aunties were sleeping like a log. My heart was scattered everywhere like when you throw a stone into water - a gaint splash and then the water spread like multiple ripples.

Finally took a deep breath and wriggled out and pushed the mattress back up. As I was doing that, I hit the fan and it fell off and I woke my aunties up.

Some mumblings, we all went back to sleep.

Happiness is a Thing Called Joe..

It seem like happiness is just a thing called Joe.
He's got a smile that makes the lilacs want to grow.
He's got a way that makes the angels heave a sigh
When they know little Joe's passing by.
Sometimes the cabin's gloomy and the table's bare,
But then he'll kiss me and it's Christmas everywhere.
Troubles fly away and life is easy go.
Does he love me good? That's all I need to know.
Seems like happiness is just a thing called Joe.

Sometimes the cabin's gloomy and the table's bare,
But then he'll kiss me and it's Christmas everywhere.
Troubles fly away and life is easy go.
Does he love me good? That's all I need to know.
Seems like happiness is just a thing called Joe.

Lol.. I wonder who wrote this song. He'll kiss me and it's Christmas everywhere.. 

It was Christmas 2006 that he last kissed me and my Christmas ended then and there.

Ferocious Intensity

I've always wanted an interesting job and even a life that would allow me to meet people from all walks of life. People is an interesting issue and a good key of motivation. If I'm not working for and working with people, I don't quite know what working is all about.

That was probably why I chose to do literature and then mass communication. Then, I jumped upon the chance to intern at a production company that supports international production locally.

Thanks to a friend's help, I got my first official job at a local college as a Marcom Executive. I met State Excos, datin's, critiques, chefs, professionals, students, lecturers, press members and sales personnel.

Hmm, I think I'm meeting interesting people now. How about getting emotional for a start? You feel blood rushing up your face, you feel scare like as if you've just seen a ghost, you feel heart pumping so fast like it was going to pop out of your body, you feel indescribable and mostly you feel sorry for the person...

Except for a roller coaster ride, I don't recall having feelings like that - intense - until the day I met "some interesting people". Caught in a situation where you cannot rebuke, rebel or even raise your voice. Possibly the only thing you can do is to consent and to be patient until you cannot take it anymore.

That's probably something I read from novels but to experience it first hand in life, it's really interesting. Like as if I'm living in the movie called Inkheart.

For now, I'd just laugh it off as an eye opening experience.

Going for my Benjamin Button tonight instead.

Some movies this month!

I can't be any happier to announce that I watched some movies! To you it's nothing but to me it's a great breakthrough. This is mainly because I always find that I cannot sit still when watching a movie and I probably can never watch a movie alone.

On New Year Eve, ALL’S WELL, END’S WELL 2009, was what I watched. It's lame shit but I enjoyed it. Mainly because this year there were nine of us watching it in the cinema. It's something really rare in my family. Not to mention, it was midnight show. Bravo!

INKHEART. It's a lovely movie. For a fantasy, it is exactly like fantasy and nothing short of it. Being a book lover, the plot amazes me. Simply put, there's always another story behind a story. I learned a new word: silver tongue. Silver fish was a familiar term. I don't know how to so creatively made up the word silver tongue. I wish I got silver finger now! By the way, credit goes to Lina for asking me out for this. Lovely!

As we were entering the cinema, my cousin and I saw the poster of They Wait. Immediately, she was giving me eye signal that we should watch it the following day. A story of karma... good and bad karma and what you'd get in return. I think I'm happy because of the thrill from watching a horror movie. Happy because you get to feel the emotion of fear... Not something you feel everyday. Conclusively, it's not as scary as I wanted it to be.

I'll probably never forget this movie. Watched this with Kavern on Jan 1. Started my new year with a movie drama. I give credit to it for creatively blending sci-fi with the viking era. On a cruel note, it's just another space invader, a better defined UFO. Something I looked forward to its ending and not really worth my bucks or even time. If only I had watched Ip Man that day...

And the most recent, I watched VCD, a very old one! Lol. Seems like karma tends to be a repetitive theme in Chinese shows. Fake muscles don't impress me but being a visionaire does. Am I imagining it or it's true that monks have clearer minds because they meditate and they emit waves of goodness and love. I wonder if I can emit anything at all, I hope it's not body odour or else Iris and Kevin will be laughing like mad. Would I want to have the power of seeing karma? Interesting question...

If karma exist and everything that happens is about karma then it's just karma whether I have that power or not. Don't get me wrong, karma isn't about knowing your fate and blindly accepting it.

To a greater degree, karma is about, being aware of it, sitting with it and changing it for the better whether the yield is visible in the present life or not.

The Year of Ox

When we talk about astrology and zodiac, I'm always fascinated by the metaphors. This year, whether you call it a Bull or an Ox or even a Cow, it reminds me of something practical and earthy. When I was younger, cows are the animals, in the story books I read, used in farms. They remind me of hardship. They remind me that during a draught, they are the ones being hovered around by flies when they are lazing around with nothing to do.

Anyway, so here comes the year of Ox. I had a great New Year Eve, had a decent reunion dinner at Penang Times Square with my family.

The rest of the CNY was mostly, eating, sleeping and continue eating.

Among other activities were watching tv, watching movies, surfing the net, being paranoid over my body, being ultra paranoid with my body, lazing around, grocery shopping, reading Reader's Digest, reading Love in a Time of Cholera, meeting up with Lai Yee and Hui Wen, doing nothing and feeling guilty for not spending my time wisely.

Among one of the thing that I am most proud of was that I didn't drink coffee at all.

One of the luckier thing this CNY was that when I took my fave cousin to the cinema, we bumped into the God of Prosperity and got a free movie ticket. Haha, so there we go, Horror Movie called They Wait, the tickets were in our hands. We had the thrill of our lives. Okay, at least, I injected some excitement into our otherwise dull day.

There were days when I dreamed of jumping into the sea and start swimming like a fish. There were days when I wished I could climb rocks and absail my way down.

Sometimes, I missed being active.

While nothing much happened in terms of quantity, there's an unexpected event that took place this CNY. I think the intensity of it, I would never forget. Yet, I'm surprised I walk out of it so cool, like it never affected me at all.

There's a small spasm of joy, a surprise, a gift, no deep guilt, heavy sense of relief, tiny bits of loss, some unexpected gains and a hint of regret.

Anyway, if you have ears, can listen and interpret, I just want to say that "sorry" is just too casual a word to describe what's contained in my heart.

Still, for better or for worse, I made a right decision in all my follies.

Moo-hoo!